Celebrity News:

CELEBRITY TERROR ALERT: THINGS WE SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT THIS WEEK

GREEN

Despite Internet rumors to the contrary, handlers for actress Kristin Davis say the Sex and the City star is not appearing in an online sex tape. But if prim-and-proper Charlotte ever did get funky on camera, it would make a great column for Carrie, wouldn't it?

BLUE

After a load of online buzz that A-list actor George Clooney would appear on the final season of ER, the show that made him a star, Clooney says he was never approached and that the rumors are false. Blab! hears that a rough draft script circulating through cyberspace - featuring a storyline that has the docs trying to bring Anthony Edwards' Dr. Mark Greene back from the dead - is probably a fake, too.

GOLD

Xenu hasn't got his alien mitts on Will Smith just yet. Smith says he and wife Jada Pinkett Smith are not Scientologists, despite being pals with spokes8couple Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. He then pulled out a small cylindrical device, took off his sunglasses and ... wait, what was I talking about?

ORANGE

Shia LaBeouf is in Dutch with the cops again, this time with a warrant issued for his arrest after he failed to show up in court for an unlawful smoking charge. Blab! hears that when told of the news, Britney Spears snorted and said, "Heck, mah kids got three of them each."

BLAB! RED

Speak of the devil: Britney Spears was seen dining with Mel Gibson, and sources say it's not the first time the actor has tried to offer advice to the troubled singer. We suspect it's part of some new celebrity Big Brother plan, kinda like the drunk leading the drunk and underwearless.

- Todd Camp

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"If one of my kids ... said, 'I want to be a movie star,' I would be like, 'Go to your room.' "

Mary-Louise Parker in Us Weekly

LATE-NIGHT JOKE OF THE WEEK

"Sean 'Diddy' Combs says he's going to start a car service that will help drunk celebrities get home safe. He says he's tired of watching celebrities get really drunk and do stupid things like change their name to 'Diddy.' "

Conan O'Brien, host of NBC's Late Night With Conan O'Brien

IS IT LIVE - OR IS T WAX?: In some stars' cases, only the sculptor - or the plastic surgeon - knows for sure

It's time for a Blab! game, and we'll give you a freebie right off: That picture of Jim Carrey at immediate right is actually a wax statute of the Horton Hears a Who! voice star. Pretty convincing, right? Allllrigggghttty then, let's see if you can ace the rest of this quiz about which pictures are real ... or not real.

(Answers: Kevin Spacey -- real. Sarah Jessica Parker -- real. Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore -- wax. Leonardo DiCaprio -- wax. Paris Hilton -- real.)

Cameron Diaz, left, and Drew Barrymore: Wax or real? And if Cameron is wax, how come the figure-maker didn't realistically depict her dancing in her underwear, like she does in half her movies?

That's the thing about Jim Carrey -- even his wax statue is hyperactive.

Leonardo DiCaprio: Wax or real? Method acting for playing Howard Hughes in The Aviator -- or trying not to sink in Titanic?

Paris Hilton: Wax or real? No fair saying, "She's always plastic." You have to guess.

Sarah Jessica Parker: Wax or real? And if this is wax, does it weigh more than the real SJP?

Kevin Spacey: Wax or real? Either way, to paraphrase his line from American Beauty, he rules!

OH, ROB!

Mary Tyler Moore and former Dick Van Dyke Show co-star ... um, Dick Van Dyke ... hang out during a tribute to Moore in Los Angeles. No truth to the rumor that Dick stumbled over an ottoman in the Beverly Hilton Hotel lobby before the tribute.

PUNT, PASS, KISS

Australian football player Jarrad Waite helps Kiss' Gene Simmons with his technique. Reportedly, Gene now wants to play Australian Rules all night, and rugby every day.

RICCI SWITCH

At left, actress Christina Ricci, more or less as you've known her since she was a child actress all those years ago. At right, Christina Ricci ... um, as Toni Tennille from the Captain and Tennille?

TWIN PEEKS

Marcia Cross doesn't look like a desperate housewife as she takes twins Eden and Savannah on a stroll, but she does look like she's leaning into that push. (She probably doesn't weigh much more than the twins and stroller combined.)

Molly Shannon's kids, Stella and Nolan, aren't twins, but we liked the headline. Don't tell Molly, though. She looks a little scary here, like she's gonna go all Edvard Munch's Scream on the photographer.

HERS AND HISS

Bindi Irwin, daughter of the late Steve "Crocodile Hunter" Irwin, shows off her new eco-friendly children's clothing line. A snake demonstrates what's hot in new skin this year.

BIG HEADS OF THE WEEK

THE ONION: Wii video games blamed for rise in effeminate violence

NEWS BISCUIT: Parents concerned that two-year-old isn't texting yet

THE ONION: Novelists strike fails to affect nation whatsoever

Blab! is written by Todd Camp and Robert Philpot, designed by Cheryl King